Ever hang up the phone

Ever hang up the phone and ask yourself, "What the hell?"

I met Carla in 1997 when I was hired to replace her. She was leaving the company, on good terms to work in her husband's business and during the two weeks that our employment overlapped we worked closely together. Then over the next several years I ended up calling her a number of times to consult on various projects.

We became pretty good friends. The having-lunch-occasionally kind of friends. Once she invited Mrs. Arkay and me to her house for dinner. That's when I first met her husband, Robert. Eventually, though, Carla and I drifted apart.

So, the other day I got a phone call from Robert. His therapist recommended he call. He explained that he had recently caught her involved with another man and wondered how far back the behavior went. He remembered what a great rapport she and I seemed to have the night we had dinner at their house and thought maybe there was more than friendship between us. Basically he just wanted to know if Carla and I had an affair during the time that we were working together.

He paused and there was a long silence.

I sensed that he was getting nervous at the other end of the line wondering what the hell I was going to say and wondering to himself how he would react to whatever it was. He probably even started to doubt whether he did the right thing by calling. For the record, I think it was a mistake.

So finally I broke the silence. I told him that I really didn't know what to say. Regardless whether she and I had done anything, how would he know that I was telling the truth? Especially if I said that we didn't. I told him that I was trying to think of what to say that would give him any assurance at all but, in fact, there was nothing. So all I could say was, no, Carol and I did not have an affair.

Interesting, huh? But wait, there's more.

The conversation went on for a good 20 minutes more. He explained that his wife suffers from a sexual addiction but she refuses to accept that she has a problem. His problem, according to him, is that he enables her behavior. He's done a lot of reading on it, blah, blah, blah... He asked for some details about our relationship. When did I last see her? How many times had we gone to lunch together? Had I ever been to their house when he wasn't home? I gave mostly vague answers. Don't remember. Don't remember. Yes, once, while working on a project.

I got all the details and the history of her condition. I learned that my relationship with her was probably an early manifestation of the addiction--a safe encounter that could have led to something more. Personally, I think the claims of addiction and enablement are dubious attempts to put a label on what's little more than bad behavior. But that's just my opinion.

Most people think I should have just ended the conversation rather than listen to all of that. But I was hooked. I was fascinated. I wanted to see where all this went. Plus, I still liked Carol. I was a little concerned. It didn't go much farther than that though. He thanked me for talking to him. Thanked me for being honest. Said that he believed what I told him. He then asked me to call him if she tried to get in touch with me. I told him that I would, but changed my mind after thinking about it. Apparently he did to, because the next day he called back and said if she called me, that was between her and me. I shouldn't feel obligated to let him know. I told him I doubted very seriously if she would call anyway.

And that was that. I haven't heard from either one of them since. The thing is I really, really, really want to call her.