Conversations with a Stupid Bitch

I've been chatting with her for close to a year now. Met her in a Yahoo user created FamFun chat room. Did you know Yahoo doesn't allow user created rooms any more? Long story, but yeah, they don't.

Anyway talking to her is always fascinating. It's like a roller coaster ride. Twists and turns and loop-the-loops, only to wind up back where we started. Her conversations are an endless string of contradictions. For example...

She describes herself as a loving, giving, caring person. Always thinking of others. Trusting to a fault. Yet, she ALWAYS talks about herself. NEVER EVER asks what's up with me or how I'm doing.

She (claims to) trust in God and pray for his guidance. Yet she sleeps with married men, fully intending that they leave their wives and children to take up with her.

She had a man fly half way around the world to move in with her after meeting him online and knowing him for only a week. Insisted that she prayed and God sent him in answer to her prayers.

One of my favorites, which is a recurring theme of hers, occurs in the conversation below. It may not be as evident here as it has in past conversations but see if you can pick up on this...

In one part of the conversation she's portraying herself as strong and determined. She fights the good fight and always comes out on top. In this case she says if her relationship is over, well then she'll just move on.

Yet, a dozen lines earlier she describes herself as being physically and violently ill over an incident with her bf--a guy she's know for only a few months and whoIn bed for two days, vomiting. Over a guy she's only known for a few months. Not really the reaction you'd expect from some one who controls their own destiny.

After some preliminary "hellos," "long time no sees" and her relating her uneventful trip to Denver and an incident with her bf J (he "innocently" overheard a message on her answering machine from another guy she's been fucking and decided to to move in with her.)

ME: last time we talked you were ending your internet activity. you change your mind?
SHE: not at all, every occasionally I get on sises, but its a very rare thing when I do
MD: is that where you are now? On her computer?
SHE: yes, I gave all my computer stuff away including both of my computers
SHE: I had a computer addiction which thankfully I realized and J didn't like me being on the computer either
ME: Well, I'm glad you decided to check in. I missed ya
SHE: Ive missed you too
SHE: Ive been pretty upset since I returned home spent the last 2 days in bed, and today just thought I would do something different and maybe talk to some old friends
ME: in bed cuz you were upset, or were you not feeling well?
SHE: this whole thing has made me physically and emotionally ill, crying, throwing up, etc
ME: that's not good
SHE: no it isnt, but I got out of bed early this morning, got my shower, done my grocery shopping, etc
ME: and you're feeling better?
SHE: well yes and no, I wont lie around being sick, I cant
SHE: Im actually hoping J will stop by this afternoon so we can talk
ME: when do you go back to work?
SHE: Im off Tuesdays and Wednesdays so will go back on Thursday, I have called off the last 3 days
ME: because of this incident with J?
SHE: yes, I have been in really bad shape
SHE: J doesnt know that tho
ME: will you tell him?
SHE: I dont kn ow if I will or not
SHE: nothing to be gained by telling him
SHE: Im not the type to use that
SHE: Im stepping out to smoke will be back in a few
ME: ok
ME: back
ME: J knows Im upset and want to talk, now its up to him
ME: so you're waiting for him to call or come over?
SHE: yes
SHE: he said he would
SHE: if he does hopefully we can straighten this out, if he doesnt then Ill move on
SHE: if he can give up on us that easily then I would have to question his motives
ME: i understand what you mean
SHE: thanks
SHE: Ive had many battles the last 5 years, some nearly destroyed me but I survived and I will continue to do so
SHE: Ive prayed about this and many other things and I believe with all my heart that God has his plan and timeline for my life
ME: You just have to trust in Him!
SHE: he is the only one I trust with all my heart
SHE: I just have a bit of a patience problem is all
ME: i think that's an understatement.
SHE: very true
SHE: its always been my nature to make things happen now
SHE: thats why I always excelled in my professional life
SHE: are you on my other yahoo id?
ME: what's your other one?
SHE: r54a
ME: Yeah, I got that one on my list.
SHE: let me change ids and if you are not on it im me in a couple of minutes, ok?
ME: ok

Then under her other screenname...

ME: peek-a-boo
SHE: (smiley face)
SHE: I thought I had you on this id
ME: You did at one time. Maybe you deleted me.
SHE: I dont know what happened, I would never purposefully delete you
SHE: got ya now tho
ME: (tongue sticky-outty)
SHE: (big grin)
SHE: Im rarely on anymore unless sis needs me to do something for her on here, Im on today because I wanted to be distracted
ME: and yet, rather than distract you we're talking about everything that's got you concerned in the first place
SHE: but its different sharing with a friend than being alone with it
SHE: we may not talk often but as far as Im concerned you are a very special friend of mine
ME: thank you.
SHE: always welcome, I never forget my real friends
SHE: I may not come accross as such but Im really very loyal
ME: why would you think you don't come across as that?
SHE: I dont know, I guess because I havent talked to anyone on here much lately
SHE: Ive actually been working on getting a life, I bowl on league now and I actually play bingo once a week usually
ME: Cool. meeting real people.
SHE: exactly
SHE: its something Ive always done before and I knew I needed it
SHE: Im slow coming around sometimes but I usually get there sooner or later
SHE: our brother is getting here tomorrow for 2 days
ME: are you looking forward to that?
SHE: very much so, we spent some time with him in Denver but not enough
SHE: and he is bringing the goodies we bought in Denver and didnt have roo to bring back, lol
SHE: room
ME: cool.
SHE: Denver was kind of stressful
SHE: I dont imagine Ill be going back anytime soon
ME: why stressful?
SHE: our other sis tries to keep the pot stirred, I pretty much ignore her and she makes a big deal of that also, drama is her middle name
ME: some people are like that.
SHE: yes they are and best to be avoided
SHE: blood is only so thick
ME: so true
SHE: being things like they were I left home when the other kids were very young so the bonding never really happened
ME: that's a shame
SHE: its sad it happened that way but it did
SHE: I need to be getting home pretty soon I guess, sis wants to go shopping but I dont really care to go
ME: ok
SHE: its been great seeing you again, even if we only did talk about me
ME: lol
SHE: you take care and I know we will talk again sometime, maybe when Im out for surgery Ill have alot of time on my hands for a month or so most likely
ME: ok.
ME: take care
SHE: you know I Love you
ME: (smile face)
SHE: (big hug thingy)

interesting, huh? I especially like the "we'll talk about you next time even though I have now idea when that will be, if at all" comment. Ok, I know you're asking "so why do you talk to her?" Because early on, i actually thought I might be able to offer some good advice. Now, I like yanking her chain. I like looking at train wrecks. Because it's fun.